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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196301">Marked by Disappointments</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zita/pseuds/Zita'>Zita</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Destiny (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, first part isn't strictly shippy second part is, guardian is a she/her exo hunter because i have an oc and i'm driving this car, i'm soft please send help</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:53:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zita/pseuds/Zita</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crow thought he was making a friend, is wrong about it, then is wrong about being wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Guardian/Crow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hunter is hesitant, and the Crow notices. It's one of the better reactions he's gotten, really. She is not aggressive with him, she does not sneer, she is polite. Still, he can feel how brittle and cool that politeness really is whenever she speaks to him. It makes his heart sink, and catching that about himself feels just as childish as it is impossible for him to stop.</p><p>This Guardian he's working with <em>is</em> someone. He has pieced together enough to know that this is the one they call the Hero of the Red War, though details are few this far out from Earth. The Eliksni know of her, but the Eliksni do not, as a rule, particularly like Guardians. The Spider knows her, and makes cryptic but prideful remarks about exchanging favors (which he is sure he came out ahead on) but Crow knows better than to trust the Spider for any information. He also knows the high cost of even daring to ask. Glint has given Crow all that he can (or so he says), and Osiris... Crow doesn't choose the topic of conversations with Osiris. He just doesn't. It is, as yet, beyond his power.</p><p>It's not necessary for Crow to know the entire story to come down to a basic and important fact: the Hunter matters. He'd like to talk to her as equals, prove that he is just as interesting and just as able, that he matters too. If he's honest with himself, what he'd hoped to find here, just maybe, is... a friend?</p><p>It's <i>embarrassing.</i> The Hunter is not his friend, she doesn't want to become his friend, and the foolish part of Crow that thought things might go differently still has the audacity to feel surprised and hurt. This, he tells himself, is just what's going to keep happening when he meets Guardians. To do the same thing and expect new results is the definition of insanity. Crow's second life is one marked by disappointments, and all of his practice should make getting over this one easier.</p><p>He still wonders, for what must be the thousandth time, what he did to make a person like that bristle at the sight of him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Things change.</p><p>They hunt the Wrathborn, starting small and working their way up Xivu Arath's chain of command, and this shared focus builds familiarity. The Hunter is effective. That is the word he uses when he describes the situation to Osiris, and the old Warlock agrees. It is in that curt, dismissive way of his, but he does it.</p><p>That's not all Crow thinks of her, though. Crow sees her fight in the Ghost feeds they share. There is a grace and capability to the Hunter he has not yet achieved. He learns more from her than just the intelligence she brings back, but he can't find the words to say so. They sound foolish in his head, like he's making too much of what is actually very little.</p><p>The truth is that this Hunter may have a title and a reputation, but she is not one of the greats. She didn't fight at Six Fronts or Twilight Gap. She wasn't even risen yet when Oryx attacked. The Hero of the Red War is not much older than Crow is, only a few years reborn. They have things in common. She still dies just a little too often. She still makes mistakes. She succeeds in the end, but the imperfections are what make the Hunter... real? A person, not a story.</p><p>Another thing changes: the Hunter talks.</p><p>Mostly she talks about the work, but it seems that each time there's just a little more she chooses to say. The stiff, judgmental silences become few, and soon enough Crow realizes they just don't happen anymore. </p><p>She likes talking to him. There's no reason for her to bother if she doesn't, things worked well enough the other way. It's a relief she does, because he's found he likes talking to her, too. He knows her name now. Fragments of who she is follow, one cautious piece at a time building a more specific image. They trade that way. As Crow lets the other Guardian begin to understand him, he starts to feel like he might know her. Not all the details, not all the hidden truths, but the broad shape of this person is emerging. What she cares about. What she wants. What makes her laugh. Sometimes, he finds his way into that third category.</p><p>On one day she comes to meet him without a helmet on, and he discovers she's an Exo: metal shell, shifting facial plates, brightly lit eyes. She never mentioned it, and he never guessed. Perhaps it doesn't mean much, in the grand scheme of all the problems piling up over their heads. It's not worth remarking upon, really, but Crow now knows what the face of his friend looks like.</p><p>His friend?</p><p>His friend.</p><p>Somehow, that has happened despite the both of them.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Hunter has brought him a gift.</p><p>Wait. That doesn't express it properly.</p><p>The Hunter has brought him a gift!</p><p>Better.</p><p>Crow understands the general idea of the Dawning, but it's all in theory. Gifts just don't happen in his life very often (read: at all) and that is one reason this is an occasion. The other is it's the first time Crow has been included in any kind of tradition by someone besides Glint.</p><p>The first Dawning he shared with Glint was a year ago. Crow remembers that miserable period, and when he compares it to now, he feels something hard settle in his throat. Even with all the problems he has right now, even with the Spider a room away, even with all this uncertainty and doubt, things are better.</p><p>He can't afford to get emotional about this right now. He sets that aside. He accepts the gift, tucking it into his cloak to ensure no one sees. Crow keeps his features straight, manages to thank his friend with something like professional grace, and it's a miracle. Slipping the Hunter an engram in return feels clumsy and impersonal, but it does not seem to disappoint her. Her smile is more subtle, in the eyes and not the mouth, but he has learned to read it.</p><p>She doesn't stay long. She never does. When she is gone and he is alone again with Glint, crunching on something that tastes of almonds and chocolate, Crow lets himself smile too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's December of 2020 and I think that fact alone adequately explains my need to write something very soft about the new NPC.</p><p>I have like, one more part of this I might put up if I get it into a state I'm happy with. (It's more crush-y than this.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As threatened, I got this last little part into a state I am somewhat happy with. </p><p>I hope you enjoyed it and would love any commentary you care to leave, thank you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They are both quite drunk that night and end up together by the fireside. Not like that. Innocently. They sit hip to hip, each with an arm around the other's back as proof against either of them falling over. He can feel her laugh when he says something amusing, and it makes his heart pound in the best possible way. It's comfortable, it's so comfortable that Crow just wants to lean into the Hunter and bask in this feeling, warm and drowsy and secure after so much tension.</p><p>He finds himself wondering what it would be like to kiss her.</p><p>Crow has been so long without human companionship that it's left him especially sensitive to having it, embarrassing impulses and all. His head is swimming with the heat of the fire, with the drinking, and with the just as intoxicating feeling of having someone he actually likes against his ribs, but he still knows it for what it is. Crow has thought about this in much soberer times and, though they are harder to keep a grip on right now, he already has all the pieces.</p><p>It's... This is not what they are. Crow loves the Hunter. He loves her the way a man imprisoned loves the sunlight through the bars. She stands for warmth and brightness, for a hope that he hasn't had before in this life. How much of that is this one Guardian, though, and how much is just what this one Guardian <i>means</i> to him? He can't honestly say he knows.</p><p>Yet.</p><p>Crow is sure it would be too much to kiss her, here by this fire this night. This is too important, too precious for him to risk losing it in such a stupid way.</p><p>He is also sure that it would probably have felt pretty nice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The view from the other side.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I thought I was done with this, but call my horse bullshit because a new season's rolling in and I'm back on it. Will new things happen in this fic? Will I ever actually write a line of dialogue, or will I remain committed to this experimental style? Let's find out!</p><p>In the meantime, please accept this self-indulgent introduction to my OC.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hunter, the Hero of the Red War, has a name. Her name is Nike-9, and she has been extremely busy. This has described her life for the last few years: ever since rising from the dead, Nike has been busy. It's just that the pace of her problems only seems to be speeding up these days, and she counts herself lucky that she is fast.</p><p>It is her saving grace, really. Being fast makes up for all the unsatisfactory gaps she has yet to fill. There are many things Nike-9 is still not so good at, and there are many things Nike-9 still doesn't know. </p><p>One of those in particular is weighing on her a lot more than it used to: Is someone still the same person without their history and memory? </p><p>It's a central question of Guardian identity, a question no one has answered for her in a way that truly satisfies, and a question Nike-9 has never quite been able to solve by herself. This was true even at the best of times, and these are certainly not the best of times anymore. Let her count the ways:</p>
<ol>
<li>The Darkness is here.</li>

<li>There is a gigantic mess happening on Europa, a solid percentage of which is <i>much</i> more personal than it has any right to be.</li>

<li>There is an Awoken man called Crow in the depths of the Spider's lair.</li>

<li>He is Uldren Sov. He isn't Uldren Sov. She hated him. She has no reason to hate him.</li>

<li>Right now, they need each other. </li>
</ol><p>Solve for x, where x is whatever the hell she's supposed to <i>do</i> about it.</p><p>While she's on the subject, she could also use an answer key for what the hell she is supposed to <i>feel</i> about it.</p><p>There are rational answers. Xivu Arath is the greatest concern, after all. The fate of the system is her highest priority, and Osiris is right in the warning he has given her: Whatever grudge she might have against Uldren Sov is incredibly petty compared to the vastness of this threat. They need Crow's help. He needs theirs. To take out old pain on him or drag him into the pit of his history would only make their aim more difficult.</p><p>He should not know what he was. He especially should not know how they last parted.</p><p>Nike, as in all things, has done her best. She decided to keep her distance from the new Light and his Ghost, she meant to get through this without becoming personally invested. It could have been simple: Get the job done, get the new kid into hands that can actually help him. Hands that aren't <i>hers.</i> He has Osiris as a contact, and once this is over she can step away in good conscience. </p><p>It is the way of such good plans to begin to fall apart immediately, and this was no exception. Nike could have shut out Uldren Sov, and it would have been easy. Crow, however, is/is not Uldren Sov, and she can't turn her back on him. It's too clear that this cautious but hopeful new Light isn't her enemy, and her attempts to be cool and indifferent splinter like thin ice. Nike is not so good at cool indifference. She is warm, often nervous, and deeply earnest in most things she does. Talking to Crow is now a thing she does, and Crow is familiar. He is new, he is alone, he doesn't understand it all yet but he's working <i>so</i> hard. He just needs time.</p><p>Time, after all, shapes Lightbearers. Guardians live for centuries, they can learn and grow so much because they have the luxury of years. It also means there is much they can forget about their earliest days when those stories lose their immediacy. Nike, however, hasn't had the chance. Crow's rise has been different, much unluckier, with much more reason to feel anxious about his place in the universe, but in him there is a mirror for the person she was not so very long ago. A person Nike remembers. (And still is, often enough.)</p><p>They are painfully alike, she and the man who killed her mentor. </p><p>She and the man she killed.</p><p>Crow is/is not Uldren Sov, and Crow is worth more than the blood once spilled between them. She will see him safely freed. Each time the comm channel closes, each time she slips back out of the Spider's lair, the Hunter's conviction grows. One day, Crow will know what she has kept from him. One day, it is possible he may not forgive her for some of it. He might not even forgive her for any of it. But today, Crow is her friend who needs her help. She has stopped asking herself <i>what</i> she is going to do about him. Now, she only asks herself <i>how</i>.</p>
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